Bob and Larry are gay (just don't ask Phil Vischer)

Also, JESUS, GUNS, BABIES

Feb 25

This is only one half of this week’s Modern Relics - yesterday I posted a short explainer of the religious dimension behind the Russia-Ukraine crisis. I’ve also added a few extra links to articles since I first published - have a read if you missed it.

Also, important news: Stream the Sister Act soundtrack on Spotify. You’re welcome.

Bob and Larry are gay (just don’t ask Phil Vischer)

I told myself I would not mention this cartoon again for at least a month, but something has happened I can’t gloss over. You may remember when I wrote about how Christian pop punk band Relient K are going on tour, and queer Christian artist Semler is opening all their shows. Well, the tour has started, and it's going basically exactly as I’d hoped - and caused a lot of VeggieTales discourse.

Firstly, and real quick, Weird Christian Twitter guy and podcast host @masonmennenga threatened to crown Switchfoot the greatest 2000s Christian band if Relient K didn’t play VeggieTales classic Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything.

They did. Then Relevant Magazine wrote about it.

Caitlyn @stenersonMN

How I looked last night trying to explain that @relientK was playing Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything because @masonmennenga cyber-bullied them:

Secondly, when opening the show, Semler announced to the crowd, “We love the VeggieTales. Well if you’re familiar with the VeggieTales, which actually, let me pause this for a minute. Bob and Larry are gay. Fight me.”

pip (they/them) @mothsbane

this hot take from @gracebaldridge is almost as controversial as last week’s kitchen themed musician 💀

To be honest, this is not a particularly hot take. People have been saying Bert and Ernie are gay for decades, and this feels very that. What makes this very funny to me is the co-creator of VeggieTales, Phil Vischer, is still very active and contactable on Twitter. When asked if he could confirm the sexuality of the Christian cartoon vegetables, VeggieTales co-creator Phil Vischer said, “Nope.” and refused to elaborate further.

Which… does that mean they’re not gay? Or only that he can’t confirm because he doesn’t want to out the two most beloved Christian children’s characters of all time? Is there a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy in the VeggieTales universe? Semler wasn’t having it, tweeting “LET THE CARTOON VEGETABLES BE GAY PHIL”.

On the Big Idea wiki, there is a “Bob and Larry’s Relationship” page, and it makes a direct allusion to the creation story in Genesis, where Phil is God, Larry is Adam and Bob is Eve. Adam and Eve! A literally iconic couple who were literally made for each other!

When Phil Vischer designed the two of them, he designed Larry first and decided that he would be the tall, silly one, with his single tooth and cucumber physique. Then, he thought, like God after He first created Adam, "But he was alone, and that is not good." and so he created Bob, like when God created Eve, to give Larry someone to compare with. Out came Bob, who was short, round, and red, but most importantly, he was the straight man, as opposed to Larry's childlike and silly tendencies.

Oh my god, the whole thing is so dumb and I’m completely obsessed.

Ryan Welborn @osmFCPX

@gracebaldridge society defines them as veggies but they know the reality is they’re both fruits.

Semler @gracebaldridge

LET THE CARTOON VEGETABLES BE GAY PHIL https://t.co/wmVXJEG1EI

I do not mean to obsess over this kinda random religious cartoon from the late 90s, but it’s hard to overstate exactly how popular VeggieTales and Relient K were among Christian millennials. Given how extremely “family friendly” they both were, it’s still mind-boggling to me that any of this is happening.

Taylor 🌈 @TaylorsMoons

I never thought I’d walk into a relient k concert and feel such lesbian energy but here we are

Then again, maybe all this is the perfect representation of how polarised religion and politics have become in the United States. On the one hand you’ve got a Relient K nostalgia tour attended almost exclusively by deconstructed exvangelicals, and on the other you’ve got Sean Feucht’s pro-Trump COVID worship protests.

Speaking of the polarisation of American politics and religion, Republican gubernatorial candidate Kandiss Taylor revealed her campaign bus, emblazoned with “JESUS, GUNS, BABIES”. Speaking as an Australian this is so outside of my experience I don’t know what to do with it. But I like her jacket, and it does give me the chance to post these tweets from @joshcarlosjosh.